It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize