Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
