Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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