Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
