I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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