ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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