When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
