Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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