He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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