How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
