bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Drunk is not a location!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
