all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
