What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
