i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
