Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
