Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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