There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
