I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
