Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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