those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
