Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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