Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
