saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize