Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i will never coherently bang her
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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