he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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