Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
