Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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