Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
