A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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