Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
