I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
