you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I will be naked everywhere
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
