I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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