Dude my mom stole all your condoms
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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