Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
