they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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