I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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