Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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