just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
