told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have fence marks all over my body
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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