From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
