At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
