she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
