I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
