im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
