He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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