Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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