Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
