i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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