It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
