Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
