As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize