piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
