I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
