You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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