I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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