So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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