his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
