Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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