Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
