Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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