he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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